What Does It Mean to Be a True Friend?
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People have strong opinions about neighborhoods with a Homeowner’s Association (HOA). Some refuse to live in one. Perhaps this is because such neighborhoods often come with restrictive rules, regulating things such as exterior paint color, yard care, and the number of vehicles parked in the driveway. Others like HOAs because of the rules, for the regulations often mean an increase in home value. Not only that; there’s less of a chance of looking over at your neighbor’s yard and seeing a cemetery for broken-down cars.
I don’t have a strong opinion about living in a neighborhood with an HOA, but when ours recently sent us a letter telling us our driveway needed pressure washing, I wasn’t thrilled. It looked okay to me. And it meant work I didn’t have time to do. But I didn’t have a choice. So I tracked down a pressure washer from a friend. As I swept the wand of pressurized water back and forth across my driveaway, I realized it really did need attention. The water pushed away the dirt and mold and I saw the true color of the driveaway underneath.
As it turns out, my driveway was not supposed to be brown.
Sometimes we need someone else to see what we can’t see; yet it’s hard to hear a friend’s exhortation.
How true this is of my own life! There are things in my life and heart that I’ve simply grown used to. Temptations I frequently give in to. Habits that shape my days. Sins I’ve embraced. Idols I worship. They blend in so that I don’t notice that they don’t belong—until someone points them out to me. They show me how I’ve wandered from Christ to do my own thing. They then remind me of who I am in Christ. They remind me that I’ve been cleansed and made new. They remind me of the grace that is mine through Christ and of his Spirit at work in me.
Their exhortation shines a light in the darkness, and I see the harsh reality—I see the ugliness that I’ve long overlooked. And I’m reminded once again of how much I need the redemption Christ purchased for me.
A true friend tells us the truth not because they enjoy pointing out error in us but because they desire for us to be who we truly are in Christ.
Sometimes we need someone else to see what we can’t see. Yet, how hard it is to hear a friend’s exhortation! Just as I didn’t like receiving the letter from my neighborhood, I resist it when my brother or sister in Christ points out where I’ve strayed from the Lord. After all, I’m content with how things are; why should I change? Or maybe I compare my life to others and think it doesn’t look so bad. Because if everyone around us has brown driveways, it’s hard to see the need for cleansing. But a true friend tells the truth. Not because they enjoy pointing out error in us. And not because they think they are without sin. But they do so out of love for us—out of a desire for us to be who we truly are in Christ.
A true friend doesn’t allow us to play in the mud when a beautiful beach lies just around the corner. A true friend wants us to know the blessing that comes through the sanctifying grace of our Lord. A true friend doesn’t want us to miss out on the joy that comes from walking in the ways of the One who knows what is best. As the psalmist declares,
Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness;
let him rebuke me—it is oil for my head;
let my head not refuse it.
Yet my prayer is continually against their evil deeds. (Ps. 141:5)
A true friend in the Lord will go to great lengths to rescue us, sometimes even from ourselves.
Many friends will see us wander off the path of life and not say a thing. Some will tell us whatever we want to hear rather than what is true. Some will even encourage us to do what feels right, rather than what is right. But a true friend in the Lord will go to great lengths to rescue us, sometimes even from ourselves. May we all have friends who desire the best for us, who desire what Paul wanted for the church at Philippi,
And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God. (Phil. 1:9-11)
And by the way, my driveway is now shiny white!
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This article is adapted from “We Need True Friends” at christinafox.com.
