Why I Talk to My Child about Sin
Photo by Jessica Rockowitz on Unsplash
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As my toddler and baby twins played on the living room floor, I retold my parents-in-law the most recent antics of disobedience my son had done the day before. They shook their heads while suppressing laughter. They knew these kinds of stories well (they raised my husband, after all).
“Why do they do things like this?” I asked. “Sometimes it just doesn’t make any sense.”
My father-in-law chuckled and replied with one of his famous lines: “They’re sinners!”
Not every act of disobedience can be linked to sin. Sometimes children are simply learning what’s appropriate and what isn’t—like when one of my nine-month-old twins laughs at his older brother and hits him with excitement. But other times, in acts of utter rebellion, the root can be traced to their sin nature.
We don’t like to think of our cute, tiny children as being sinful. As parents, we may feel uncomfortable even telling our children they’re sinners. Why do we want our children to feel guilty? The gospel is beautiful and amazing, and we would much rather tell them about the abundance of grace available to them. Maybe we’re even tempted to simply leave sin out of the conversation altogether.
But what if the uncomfortable, bad news is necessary before our kids (or anyone) can truly understand the good news of the gospel at all?
We need the bad news first.
Our world is cursed with sin. Its thorny briars wind within us and around us. Every grievous part of life on earth (e.g., death, diseases, injuries, ailments, calamities) finds its cause in sin and its curse (Gen. 3). Every one of us is born with sin in our hearts that leads us away from God. And as we encounter other sinners in this world, we will inevitably be hurt by their sins. Sin, its curse, and its consequences are unavoidable.
Our children need to see this dire state of both humanity and the world. They need to know that things are corrupted and aren’t as they should be. They need to know they’re in danger and need saving. They need to know they’re sinners who are incapable of loving God and earning salvation. If we only tell them Jesus loves them and died for them, but never tell them what he died for, they’ll never know how desperately they truly need him; God is simply another father who is distant and abstract, who didn’t do anything for them personally. In this way we give our children only a partial gospel.
To understand the salvation God offers in Christ, we need to first understand the gravity of our condition. But to fully grasp that, we likewise need to consider the holiness of God.
Our holy God must uphold his attributes of love and justice.
When our children purposely disobey us, it’s a big deal. We’re the parents, and we have set the rules in place for a reason. But if it’s a problem when they disobey us, how much more offensive is their sin against their Creator—the one who sustains their lives with every breath and supplies their every need? Even more—how much greater is their sin against our holy God, in whom perfect love and justice are maintained? Without holiness (complete separation from sin) “no one will see the Lord” (Heb. 12:14).
God is just, so he must punish sin. If he overlooked sin, he would no longer be a righteous king who judges with equity (Ps. 7:8–17). And what is the punishment for our sins? “For the wages of sin is death,” (Rom. 6:23) and “your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you so that he does not hear” (Is. 59:2).
This is dark and scary news. But this is our reality before God. To avoid telling our children the wickedness of our sins and the splendor of God’s perfect holiness and justice not only prevents them from fully appreciating the character of God but also abbreviates the gospel truth we so desperately want them to believe.
When we avoid the topic of sin, we can’t adequately proclaim the glorious gospel of Jesus Christ.
Our sin makes God’s holiness frightening to us; yet, this is where the gospel doesn’t merely glow but brilliantly shines. God requires us to obey the law without faltering—but Jesus came to earth as truly man and truly God and fulfilled every single aspect of God’s law. God required justice for our sins against him—but Jesus died on the cross and endured the wrath of God in our place. Jesus rose again on the third day, so that though we die we won’t endure eternal death and condemnation but instead will rise again to eternal life. As Paul proclaims in Romans,
For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation. (Rom. 5:6–11)
We can (and should) tell our children about sin. This doesn’t mean we preach terrifying sermons to them of hell and sulfur falling from the sky. There is only so much their young minds can handle and understand, and as parents we need to discern how to wisely explain these things to them. But we need to tell our children they are sinners, because without sin there’s no need for grace. And without grace, God will always be an abstract figure who claims to love them but never comes near. Our children need to hear not just part of the gospel but instead the whole truth of all God has done for them in Christ.
